


1000% Love

by Shadow Minded (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson)



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Autistic Jinguji Ren, Borderline Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder Shinomiya Natsuki, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Polyamory, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Kurusu Shou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:45:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9639431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson/pseuds/Shadow%20Minded
Summary: Syo's world has been snatched from him, broken down and ruined, beyond repair. His life has been ruined and he's terrified, lost and scared.Stuck in silence, forever haunted by the man that stole his life from him, Syo begins to struggle in his relationship with his boyfriends.However, with Ren and Shinomiya finding out the truth, can they help Syo become the shining star that he used to be?------------Main pairings for this story: Natsuki/Syo; Ren/Syo------------If I missed any tags out please let me know so I can fix it straight away to avoid any discomfort for other readers!





	

Syo shook as he made his way to the bathrooms, clinging to his shirt wrapped around him as though it might protect him from the world. There weren’t many students out of dorms this time of the night, but Syo still didn’t want to chance someone seeing his binders – he was only out to his band, and to Haruka, and he didn’t want any more people knowing then who was needed. The air was cold on his exposed arms as he snuck quickly through the darkness, the only light coming from the moon that pooled on the floor, breaking through the window glass. It lead him through the shadows to the door of the male bathroom, and he slipped inside quickly. Not caring if anyone else was still awake this late, Syo locked the door behind him and shook as he made his way through the pitch black. One of his hands reached across the wall, feeling his way until he found the light switch, flicking it on. Light shone brightly, suddenly, almost blinding the singer and he struggled for a moment to re-focus his eyes. The bathroom was empty, no one here, none of the showers or sinks running and Syo sent a _thank you_ to whatever might be above, that was granting him this one small mercy.  
  
It still ached; every part of his body hurt and screamed in pain with every step, with every breath. Syo could feel his mind, probably in even more pain than his body, trying to figure out what had happened, trying to process the pure trauma he had just gone through. It wasn’t working, whatever his mind was trying to do.  
  
A shaky hand reached out, turning one of the showers on and Syo shivered in the cold, porcelain room. He watched the jet of water fall down, steam rising almost immediately from the floor and he shook as he finally let his ripped shirt fall to the floor. It took him time, but he managed to get himself undressed and under the shower, curling up tightly. His arms locked around his calves, holding his thighs to his chest as he shook, the tears coming in another hot stream down his cheeks.  
  
He had been raped.  
He had been held down by an older student and forced, forced and forced, three times.  
His entire body had been violated, and he had been treated like he was some toy.  
  
Syo felt his stomach lurching again and shot forward, kneeling to cough up the bile up in his stomach at the drain. He had barely stopped being ill since he had been left, cold and alone in the grass and mud. The pond was cold – his hand had been stuck in it, dangling off the edge and into the almost pristine water as his body jolted and he cried silently from pain and humiliation. Syo bit into his lip to stop him making any noise as he shook, still crying.  
  
The hot water on him felt like a blessing, and Syo dared to open his eyes enough to stare at the bottom of the shower. Brown and red water mixed, flowing down the plug hole. Thicker strips of white followed them and Syo couldn’t stop himself from being sick again. He shook, barely able to stand, but he forced himself upright, leaning on the wall. He managed to reach out and pick up Shinomiya’s wash sponge and soap from the side – his own were still in his shower bag in his room – and started scrubbing his body. Syo scrubbed, scratching his skin, the rough surface of the sponge being pressed so hard against his skin that it bled slightly.  
  
Scrubbing until he was red raw, Syo collapsed on the bottom of the shower, curling up under the stream of water, letting the tears flow again. He could steal feel His hands on him, touching him and forcing him into positions he didn’t want to be in. He could feel each thrust still inside him and he choked, yelling out in pain. He struggled not to be ill again and forced himself up to his knees, taking deep breaths. He had to get back to the dorm soon. It had been so long since Shinomiya and the rest of the band had left Syo at the pond at his request - _I want to sit here and write some lyrics for a while. I have a few melodies I want to try and get the lyrics done for. Maybe get some solo demos on YouTube at least_.  
  
Syo hated himself.  
  
Why hadn’t he just gone back to the dorm with Shinomiya? Or gone to Ittoki’s dorm and watched some movies with him? He could have even gone with Ren and sat talking for a while.  
  
Anger curled around Syo’s body as he realised… his band wouldn’t have been so far away when He had struck. If Syo had screamed out, had just made a noise or screamed for help, they would have come back and it wouldn’t have happened. He’d be safe right now, probably curled up in bed with Shinomiya, maybe Ren, and he wouldn’t be curled up here in the bottom of the shower, crying to himself and wishing for something to be taken back.  
  
There was pain in his chest now, pure anger and sorrow rising up to curl up in a lump in his chest, behind his lungs, settling there as if it paid rent. Syo shook even more than he already was and tried to focus on his breathing. He could have prevented this, he could have prevented this if he’d just made a damn noise.  
  
He stayed where he was for some time, just staring at the shower floor, only to jump out of his skin when he heard the door rattling. Syo looked up in horror and scrambled upright to turn the shower off and grab a towel, wrapping it around himself tightly. He glanced down at his chest, ensuring he was completely covered before he went to the door, unlocking it and standing back.  
  
Shinomiya slipped inside, pyjamas in hand, and he blinked as he found Syo standing in front of him.  
  
“Syo! I was wondering where...” Shinomiya broke off, his lips pulling down into a frown. “Syo have you been crying?”  
  
Syo blinked furiously and shook his head, hearing drips from his hair hitting the floor and walls. “No, I just got… shampoo in my eyes.”  
  
Shinomiya didn’t look like he believed him for a moment, but nodded and smiled. “Be more careful, Syo! You could blind yourself!”  
  
Syo grunted in agreement and moved back to the shower he had been in, quickly scooping his clothes up and hiding his ripped and muddy shirt as best he could. “See you in the dorm!” Before Shinomiya could respond, Syo had slipped out of the bathroom, rushing to his dorm.  
  
Inside, he quickly found a new pair of boxers and slipped them on, taking a breath. Bending down ached, made him feel like his insides were on fire, and he had to catch his breath. Syo blinked rapidly, banishing any tears from his eyes and pulled his binder back on, making sure his chest was completely flat before pulling on a shirt. Tracksuit bottoms followed swiftly and Syo chucked his trousers, boxers and towel in the wash basket, before he picked his shirt up. It was too ripped to even _hope_ to repair and he sighed. Before he could make his way to the bin, the door was opening and Syo jumped. The shirt got shoved into his drawer, right in the back, and he shoved it shut before turning around with wide eyes to stare at Shinomiya, frowning a little.  
  
“Syo?”  
  
“Ah I was in my own head! You scared me a little, that’s all.” Syo rubbed the back of his head and quickly made his way to his bed, slipping under the sheets, and curling up. Deep down, he knew he should tell at least _one person_ , but Shinomiya wasn’t the best person… Syo was pretty sure Satsuki might come out with his glasses still on.  
  
Syo stayed quiet, staring at the ceiling as Shinomiya shuffled around before turning the lights off.  
  
Finally, Syo let another bout of tears stream down his face, and hid under his covers, hugging himself tightly. He felt disgusting, worthless, used, and he let the tears send him to an eventual, nightmare filled sleep.


End file.
